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    留学申请写作常见错误及分析

    发布时间:2017-05-10来源:57美国网
    (1) [b][b]  原句:In the school, Miss Li always been an inspiring source of help[b]...
    (1) [b][b]  原句:In the school, Miss Li always been an inspiring source of help [b]and support for me and others throughout the years. [b][b]  编辑分析: “always been” Incorrect tense or missing word. “throughout [b]the years” Flows better at the beginning of the sentence. “me and [b]others” Reads awkwardly. [b][b]  改正后:Throughout the years, Miss Li has always provided an invaluable [b]source of assistance and support to many, including myself. [b][b]  (2) [b][b]  原句: Miss Li is not only a mechanical teacher but also in charge of [b]computer lab. [b][b]  编辑分析: “is not only” Limit the use of the weak ‘to be’ verbs. [b]“mechanical teacher” Can this more specific? “in charge of” Directs. [b][b]  改正后:Miss Li not only teaches mechanics, but also directs the [b]computer lab. [b][b]  (3) [b][b]  原句:Although her work is numerous, she tackled every task, no matter [b]how trivial or monotonous, with great patience and meticulous care. But, [b]with her creative mind, she was never content with merely doing her job, [b]either. [b][b]  编辑分析:“is numerous” Awkward. “But, with her…” Awkward [b]transition. ‘But’ does not work well at the beginning of the sentence [b]here. [b][b]  改正后:In spite of an immense workload, she tackled every task, no [b]matter how trivial or monotonous, with great patience and meticulous care. [b]Moreover, driven by her creative mind, she never settled with merely [b]completion of her job. [b][b]  (4) [b][b]  原句:Once the problems came in, she thought them from unique angles [b]and put forward many good ideas to solve them. [b][b]  编辑分析:“put forward” Better word…presented…suggested… [b][b]  改正后:Once aware of the problems, she attacked them from unique [b]angles and presented many practical and novel solutions. [b][b]  (5) [b][b]  原句:Facing the conflict between the shorthand of the school and [b][url= she chose to instruct her students to finish the courses of [b]Mechanical CAD. [b][b]  编辑分析:“Facing the conflict…” This sentence is somewhat unclear, [b]especially upon the first reading. I have attempted to clarify the [b]situation. [b][b]  改正后:Facing a conflict between the need to take on extra [b]responsibilities to alleviate a shortage of teachers at the school and [b]preparing for the TOEFL, she chose to instruct students in courses of [b]Mechanical CAD. [b][b]  (6) [b][b]  原句: It is evident that burden of work effected her preparation for [b]TOEFL, because she got [url= 2100 under less pressure from work. [b][b]  编辑分析: “It is evident” I have rephrased for clarity and improved [b]flow. “effected” affected. [b][b]  改正后:That burden of increased work negatively affected her [b]preparation for TOEFL, as demonstrated by her significantly better score on [b]the GRE when she faced less pressure from work. [b][b]  (7) [b][b]  原句:When she decided to leave us, although I, as director of this [b]school, hate to let her go, I would like to renew my support for her today, [b]as she sets her eyes on still grander horizons. [b][b]  编辑分析: “I, as director…” I is unnecessary and confuses the [b]sentence. [b][b]  改正后:When she decided to leave us, though as director of this school [b]I hate to see her go, I offered my full support. I would like to renew my [b]support for her today, as she sets her eyes on still grander horizons. [b][b]  (8) [b][b]  原句:I dearly hope that you will consider his application favorably. [b][b]  编辑分析: “dearly hope” sincerely. “consider his application” her [b]application. You have referred to the recommended teacher as ‘she’ and [b]‘miss’ throughout. [b][b]  改正后:I sincerely hope that you will consider her application [b]favorably and am confident you will be enlightened by her talents at your [b]school. [b][b]  总体评论: [b][b]  千疮百孔的英文,语法错误、用词不当、句子结构不恰当,都可以分散阅读者的注意 [b]力,给阅读者造成误解,无法看懂你究竟要说什么。要知道评审委员要阅读上百份申请材 [b]料,你的错误可能使他(她)丧失对你的兴趣和信心。 [b][b]  在申请文书写作中应当注意: [b][b]  使用正确的英语写作 [b][b]  要坚持使用明确、直接和具体的表达方式 [b][b]  删除不必要的词汇和语句 [b][b]  坚持使用主动语态 [b][b]  避免柔和、无色彩、犹豫和不果断的语言。 [b][b]  语法错误经过反复的阅读是可以更正的,但是用词不当和句子结构不恰当的毛病改正起 [b]来则比较困难,对于英语不是母语的人士来说,需要长期艰苦的磨练。在以后的篇章里,将 [b]继续分析片语使用、选词、句子结构和篇章开头结尾方面的错误。 [b]

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